Please tell me you are thinking the same thing: Metal Gear Online: Raiden Gameplay

I am one of many people that didn't appreciate Raiden in Metal Gear Solid 2.

I wouldn't say I hated him. But I sure as hell didn't like having my Snake pulled...hold on...that sounded wrong. What I mean is I didn't like starting the game as Snake, then having him "die" so I'd have to play as RAIDEN:

Actually, not that Raiden. This Raiden:

Oh yeah, that's the stuff. Point is things didn't fair well, for my blonde friend here, from the start. Its nothing personal. Honestly I think his story, although muddled in a heavily convoluted story, was similar to Snake's. They both were being fed lies for breakfast, lunch, and dinner...but not brunch. No, brunch was cantaloupe (even though honeydew destroys cantaloupe). But Raiden had the short end of the stick, being pushed around by EVERYONE, including Pliskin (why'd it have to be Snakes?)

So you get to run around naked as penis...I mean, Raiden. Sure its fun, and I catch myself recreating that scene all the time but the next game had him as a *clears throat* F#CKING CYBORG NINJA! You inner child is pretty excited right now huh? How many times did you sneak up on your sister's teddy bear and pretend to extend your robotic arm in preparation for its inevitable assassination?

Admit that you want to kill this...

Metal Gear Solid 4, the one with a robot Ninja named Raiden, did NOT let you play as the robot ninja named Raiden? Why? Because you don't obey the "dry clean only" tags on your clothes and robots hate that! But MGS4 loves you. It does. That's why so much fan service was poured (I mean, CRAMMED) in to it. But it truly, truly loves you. And so, they decided to make Raiden playable on Metal Gear Online. And here are your results:

Video Games | Metal Gear Online | Raiden Gameplay

XBox 360 | Playstation 3 | Nintendo Wii

Damn it Raiden. Damn it...

The Fathers of Gaming (not really...but really)

Hey there daddy-o!

How are you this fine Fathers Day?! Hopefully you are spending some good quality time with your dad/father/step-father/or pimp (who's your daddy?). If not, then load up some video games, cause there's plenty of fatherly love to be had there. Where? Why let me tell you...son/daughter:

Cranky Kong - Donkey Kong Series

We start with perhaps the oldest of fathers. Cranky Kong is not a playable character. Not even in his debut game "Donkey Kong" (you may have heard of it) where he was...um, Donkey Kong, that jack ass that through the barrels at what would be one day Mario. Since then he just gives (new) Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong crap, but oh boy does Diddy Kong deserve it. Poo flingin little bastard!

James (Dad) - Fallout 3
The guy just wants to save the world. Go ask your dad what his plans are for the day...go ahead, I'll wait....
Yeah, he probably said "my plan for the day is to not be bugged by you. Thanks for nothing." This should make you appreciate James all that much more. He's a fantastic father, dropping his research to raise YOU. Then what do you do? Put yourself in harms way! What do you think this is, a game or something?

(techincal entry) DarkStar - No More Heroes
Ranked the number 1 assassin in No More Heroes (yeah, ok this is a spoiler, kinda, but seriously if you haven't played this game yet shame on you! Go play it, nerd). He immediately puts you in your place by whipping out a beam katana that is WAY bigger than yours. You must have gotten yours from your mother. I won't say any more about him, cause you're a nerd and you haven't played it yet...nerd!

Naked Snake/Big Boss (call him what you want) - Metal Gear Series
"The Greatest Warrior of the Twentieth Century". Yeah, your dad just got owned again. He's probably only "The Greatest Barbecuer on the Block (if you don't count the guy at the end of the block)". Now, Naked Snake is not TECHNICALLY a father, but he is the father of the legacy that is the Snake family. Ya know, Solid Snake and Liquid Snake and a stuff like that.

Brazul - Kya Dark Lineage
You've never heard of this guy before. I bet you've never played the game. But I have. My list. Moving on...He's the father of the main character, Kya, as well as being the main antagonist. He got sucked into (a time share) a vortex, or something and ended up becoming evil. I guess that's how it works? Anyway, he never shows remorse, or any sign of being good. He's just a bad dad. He also laughs EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU DIE! No joke.

Bill - Left 4 Dead
He's my dad. At least, I wish he were.

Jecht - Final Fantasy X
He taught Tidus how to dress (fail) then he turned in to Sin (epic fail). He's pretty good at Blitzball though. Does that make up for being Sin? Yes! But it doesn't make up for Tidus' crappy clothing choices. Sorry Jecht, but no!

Big Daddy - Bioshock
Not techincally a father so much as a great little pun for this segment. And just know that as long as I am alive, and this blog is alive, I will make this part of the list EVERY FATHER'S DAY!

So no matter who your daddy is, he made you. He's the guy that was like, oops, now I have a kid. But be thankful at the very least that you were born and can have new fathers like Naked Snake. Just try not to picture your father naked. Oops you just did.

Happy Fathers Day!

Update: It appears my post idea was rather unique: Kotaku

All Hype and No Play

You know how James Brown was a sex machine? Basically a machine that can produce sex, efficently and consistantly? Well Peter Molyneux is a hype machine. Basically a machine that talks about how well it can produce sex, efficently and consistantly. Wait, no, I mean this man can hype, and get you excited, about pretty much anything.

"Hi, my name is Peter. How can I hype you?"

For years the man has been working to hype such video games as Fable and Fable 2. The man does what ever he can to get you excited about a disk that you put into a bastardized computer (see: gaming console). He'll even go so far as to making stuff up (ex: Fable). Its exciting to watch him in action. Seriously. Every game he talks about sounds like it was concepted by Leonardo Divinci, programmed/developed by Jesus Christ and Suda 51, and Voice overed by God (and Rhona Mitra)! Not to mention that playing it replenishes your health (physically and spiritually), teaches you ancient Latin, signs you up for swimming lessons (but also teaches you how to swim), raises the value of your home, takes out the trash, finds intelligent life on other planets, destroys the intelligent life on other planets (trust me it needed to be done), and lastly warms up your coco (and adds those lil marshmallows!).

Just like the cake...the Coco's a lie.

Basically the man makes everything sound better than sliced bread. Although I am sure he could hype a sliced bread game (Now with more butter!). One has to wonder a few things. Ok, firstly, how great would it be if he were to tell someone about YOU. Like, if someone were to be like, "So what is Frank like?" (OMG how lucky am I if there is someone named Frank reading this post?!). Peter would clear his throat, crack his knuckles, tip his hat, then set off to explain the wonders of frank! Frank, the marvel of a man that brings society to its ultimate fruition. The man that effortlessly breathes life in to everything he does. Each and every step he takes is a blessing to the Earth and its inhabitants!

Frank (double points if your name is Frank and this is actually you!)

Back to Peter. The second thing one has to wonder is much differently history would sound coming from him. Back in the ol days, Native Americans passed down their history through word of mouth. I don't know anything about Peter's lineage, but I'd be worried if he were the one telling me about how my ancestors lived.

Moving on, his newest kick is something called Project Natal. Its a motion sensor for you to embarrass yourself in front of. Of course when Peter explains it, its a revolution. You need it. But that's the topic for a later post...

Gamer = Sinner (Didn't you pay attention in math class/church?)

Did you go to E3? Cause I didn't see you there. Or maybe I did. I waved, but you didn't wave back.

Well, lets just forget it. Maybe you didn't see me. But did you see the protesters outside of the convention hall?

Yeah, that lackluster bunch that was protesting the upcoming game Dante's Inferno, which is a video game about a guy that has to fight Lucifer to free his soul...or something...I dunno it was a book, go read it if you want to know. Anyway, the protesters handed me a flyer. Its HILARIOUS! Now, I am not insensitive or anything, its just that the flyer...well, its just too funny. I mean. They have an image identical to this on the pamphlet:

YES, with the stockphoto branding and everything! I knew some "special" effort went in to making this flyer. And their chant "Say NO to InferNO" it brought a tear to my eye...cause I was laughing. Was I laughing at them? No? I was laughing at the way they were going about it.

So here's the interesting part (in cause you weren't interested already, in which case, thanks for the rudeness jerk): It turns out it was all FAKE. I don't mean that the protesters were anamatronic (cause to me they didn't look lifelike), I mean it was a setup. Click here to read more about it!

Dante's Inferno

EA (Electronic Arts), the company that makes Dante's Inferno and therefore loves Satan, setup the fake protest as a marketing gimmick. A gimmick. I must say, that I am totally impressed! That type of marketing has always interested me. I mean, when you'e caught off guard, then you know that it's working. Take for example this flyer that, unknowingly, is for Mirror's Edge:

Of course we all know that Mirror's Edge (also made by EA) is a game about a girl named Faith who is "running from the law", so its a perfect way to market the game and totally gets your attention. Unless of course you are a criminal yourself, in which case you should probably see about contacting EA and trying to get a game made about your life. I mean, imagine playing as Lisa Nowak, the astrounaut attempted murder. She drove from Texas to Florida to murder some guy, while wearing diapers. So you'd have to drive, like Grand Turismo, and watch your bladder meter, like The Sims. Plus you'd have to buy all your equipment (like the BBgun and pepper spray), so that'd be like Oregon Trail. Are you also thinking that I am describing the best game ever created? I do this stuff for free ladies and ladies and gentlemen!

Point is, if advertising is fun and really is that interesting, then, to me, its worth checking out. I love them trying new things rather than just pasting billboards all over the city.

Non game related example of a cool ad campaign for the vampire series True Blood:

WTF - Confusing save points

There is nothing more glorious in a game than a save point! It means lots of things, like, the end of a hard road, or the beginning of an adventure, or FINALLY a chance to go to the bathroom. But there are some save points that leave you bewildered. "Why is THAT a save point?" "I don't even know what THAT is!" Lets take a look at some shall we?

Final Fantasy 7
You would have been mad at me had I not started with Final Fantasy. But what exactly are we looking at? It looks like Stonehenge! Stonehenge with a built in water display. So what does it mean? It means games like Final Fantasy don't need to explain themselves...move along!

Silent Hill Homecoming
Oh good, more ancient markings. Silent Hill Homecoming (dance) has the main character staring at a creepy symbol on the wall to save his game. Why creepy? Can't you read scrysrit (the writing on the symbol)? It says "You put your left foot in, you take your left foot out, you put your left foot in and...I watch ye whilst ye slumber".

Metal Gear Solid
Ah, Mei Ling. I never thought a save point would be so....cute. Simply call up Mei Ling on your Codec and you can save your game, just by having a conversation with her! Mei Ling is another point for the Asians. What I mean by this is they've already got the "Asians are smarter than Americans" stereotype, and now they've got the "just talk to them and you'll save your game" stereotype. So talk to someone Asian as often as you can, just in case you die.

Dead Rising (top) and No More Heroes (Bottom)
Toliet Save points? I don't know about you, but there is NOTHING I want to save when I go to the bathroom. For these two gents (Frank West and Travis Touchdown) its the place to be. I can see them starting up a company:
Frank and Travis plumbing company "Think of the Savings!"
(That was a bit too clever...sorry)

Donkey Kong Country
A star spangled barrel displayed by a "sexy" "female" "gorilla" (yes all of those quotations were needed). Honestly, nothing would draw me close enough, to what I just described, to save even a millisecond of my game. "Oh I just died? Oh, game over? That sucks! Oh, well. At least I didn't have to see some half woman half gorilla creature, who would then lock me in a barrel designed by Elton John"

Resident Evil
Yeah, I know you were waiting for me to get to this one: the typewriter save point from the Resident Evil Series. I wish it were that easy to save progress in my life. But this raises the question, "what if you misspell?" Does that mean your life changes? That's pretty hardcore.
"Kissed some zombies"...I MEAN KILLED! Damn it, I already typed that in. Stupid ancient technology with its no backspace...

There's plenty more save points out there, are there any more that made you scratch your noggin?

WTF screenshots - Part 1

What we've got here, is failure, to communicate....the intentions of a game.

Oh boy. If you love games then the only way you'll keep sharp on whats up and coming is through video game screenshots. It's your window to the game (especially if you are using Windows). But sometimes developers, or PR guys, or whoever is pulling the trigger, pick the WORST screenshots. Maybe its cause they don't want to spoil the story or gameplay. Maybe it's because they saw something abstractly beautiful in it that we just didn't see (example).

Well, here's a collection of screenshots, that belong under the title WTF Screenshots:

Sims 3
Cool. A computer game where you get to work on the computer. Nice.

Afrika
Iggnoring teh mispelling ov teh werd...This game (screenshot) shows us all too well that Afrika, the game, is going to be either a zebra simulator, or some kind of zebra slaughter game. If only there were some fuckin zebras in this image to wet our beak (or muzzle).

Silent Hill: Shattered Memories
Most of us DO have shattered memories of the Silent Hill franchise. A franchise that has depreciated with each incarnation. But we are talking about this image. Know why I don't like it? Cause I can't make a "guy walks in to a bar" joke. That's worse than death...by Pyramid head! Anyway, what does this screen shot show you? That you will indeed have to "try our soup of the day". Note to Harry Mason: they've got damn good coffee!

Saw
A game based on the Saw movies. This image would be worth a thousand words, if the guy could just talk! Do you really get a sense for the game with this screen shot? I got to play it. Its basically a simulator of what it's like having to go through your childhood with embarrassing head gear on. I felt so ashamed. But mostly because I was playing the Saw video game.

Free Realms
A game about burying your treasure then chasing your tail. Not really. But what I hate about this picture is I don't know whether that dog goes "Grrrr" or "Arrrr"...or "Garrrrr".

Lego Guitar Hero
*Silence* I'll skip the whole rant about how it doesn't make sense to have a Guitar Hero game with Legos. Instead I will debate the ability of a man with no fingers to play the guitar, to have enough dexterity to play the drums and to genuinely "score hot Lego babes" when he HAS NO FINGERS OR TOES! Chicks dig the toes...if there is one thing I've learned, its that. (editors note: chicks don't necessarily dig the toes)

Endless Ocean 2
It's a Fish.

And so concludes this chapter in WTF games. Don't worry, there are plenty more games out there that with F with your WT...so stay tuned.

In Bill We Trust!

When news of Left 4 Dead 2 came out there were many, many reactions. Most of them involved needing to replace underwear. I don't wear any, so I didn't end up having to worry about that. Introduced were new weapons, new gameplay elements, new location (Louisiana, really?), and a whole new cast of main characters:
Soon afterwards there was, at least from my sources, some controversy around some of the things the NEW main chracters said (stereotype?).

Ok, honestly people? THAT is what you are worried about?! Do you not see the big picture here? Are you missing something? Like, maybe I dunno THE FACT THAT BILL ISN'T IN THE GAME (as far as we know)!!!!

You remember Bill from the first Left 4 Dead? The wily, grumpy, wise, determined, no nonsense old man that could keep up with even the most spry youngsters? The man that would spout things like:

"These woods look thicker than Boomer shit."
"Speak up, Francis! Your voice got all muffled from your head being so far up your ass."
"An assault rifle? Aw man, this brings me back..."
"Goddamn it, son of a bitch!"
"Hell, mosta this blood ain't mine!"
"Aaah... I'm getting too old for this horse shit."

Starting to remember now?! Look, I am not saying that EVERY game needs to have the mighty Bill in it (except that I am), but maybe at least ALL the games in the series need to. There is one way, however, that I can be appeased, if they really don't see their way in to putting Bill in to any more games. It's simple: let him be president.

Who better to be president than a man than a man who is ready to deal with a zombie apocalypse?! We're talking about a man who has already served his country! We are talking about a man who will not take shit from biker dudes that "don't hate vests"!

Sure the tobacco company will be cut a break, and there will be no moderation on pills. Also, all military vets will be allowed to carry guns around, but think of all there is to gain!

So Left 4 Dead 3, can come out in 2013 with president Bill and his promise for "a med pack on every back and a propane tank in every garage"

The beginning of the end.

This is my last post. I am sad to see this blog go. We've had some great and terrible times...

Oops! Jumpin the gun on that one. Ahem. Let's try again.

Welcome, ladies and ladies and gentlemen to Label Waste, a gaming blog where YOU and ONLY YOU are welcome (tell your friends!).

What we have here is a gaming blog with a bit of a personality disorder, in a good way (if that's possible). What you can look forward to seeing are things like: rants, reviews, editorials, opinions, uprisings, sex, drugs and rock and roll. (Please note that the last 3 are pending indefinitely).

I've seen a lot of gaming blogs and sites in my time and this one is exactly the same as the others. Wait, wait, wait...that was a joke (bad one)! We do those here! This is gaming blogging the way it should be done, the fun way! I am not going to try and bore you with heavy handed opinions, nor am I going to try to persuade you that all of my opinions are the end all. Because we are talking about gaming here people! Its a fun leisure medium and it should stay that way. Why would I waste your time on boring chitty chat when you could be playing video games? Or doing your homework? Wait, what? Forget that last part.

Above all this is also a community, so I wanna hear what you have to say. Hell, even post things that you DON'T have to say (whatever that means).

Just check back early and often cause you never know when there will be a post. For instance...this is one.